June 1 — I’m Still a Little Awkward
With home looming in the future and getting closer everyday, I can’t help but start to think about it a lot. Part of me is really excited to get back! I’m excited to see all my family and friends again, to take what I’ve learned on the Race and apply it to every day life, to work in a job I’m passionate about, to make an impact and influence the people that I’ve known for years and hold close to my heart. The other part of me is nervous... intimidated... or maybe just flat out scared. A great person who I have the privilege to call friend, also called Averi, recently wrote a blog that sums up my feelings quite well. “I have a fear that I am going to let you all down. Maybe you thought I was going to come back “holier” maybe you thought I would be more of the same as when I left. Whatever you hoped I would be I hope the person I really am doesn’t disappoint you. Before I come back I want you to know who I think I am, and hopefully you can be proud of that and not what you might expect me to be.
Through the past eight months I have realized that a lot of my time on the race hasn’t really changed a lot of who I am outwardly, but changing a lot of who I am on the inside. The Lord has broken me down more times on the race to humble me, mold me, and change me for the better. I am learning how to be more confident because the Lord has made me to be bold and willing to do the uncomfortable. I see people because I asked for him to break my heart for what breaks his, and in order to do that I have to walk with my head up looking at people instead of watching where I walk. I say hi to random shop owners and start conversations with people I don’t know. I recognize when I am wrong and choose not to argue when I know I am right. I know that it is better to be quiet then start an argument that isn’t really worth the fight. I have learned how to love the bible and read it because I want to not because I have to. I’ve learned how to have conversations with the Lord and not just talk but also listen. I have learned that my opinion and voice is important, and there is a better way to speak to people then to raise my voice. I have learned to love the unlovable and see the broken. I have thought a lot about how I can love better at home and how to show that I care. I want to be more engaged with others and more dependable. I may not look or act holier, but I have changed. I have the fear of disappointing any of you, but I believe that the Lord has made me to be who I am suppose to be at this point in my life, and I hope that makes all of you proud.” I’m by no means perfect and never will be. I’m still funny, kinda awkward, and maybe there’s a little sass. I’m human. “Same same, but different.”
I hope that when you see me, you see the change in me and accept me for who I have become but give me grace when I fall and continue to love me in my mistakes.
June 8 — Living Off the Grid
The Ngobe Indians are an amazing group of people who live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. Away from the hustle of the city, so high on the mountain top it seems they live in the clouds. The smell of wood smoke floats by on the breeze. Birds singing and the occasional shout of children playing can be heard echoing through the valley. Horses roam free and are still used as transportation to get to homes deep in the hills. It seems like a peaceful way of life but its a hard life. Meat is not common and any other form of protein is scarce. Rice, oatmeal, and creamed corn are the typical meals. Women and children carry heavy buckets of water up steep hills for bathing and cooking. Pregnant women or sick children don’t have immediate access to a real doctor. Fighting is normal and some people file their teeth into sharp points as a form of intimidation or to use as weapons. Like many places, when Jesus is absent, things like physical and sexual abuse in families is common, women are treated like livestock, and girls are having babies at an age as young as 12 years old.
In case ya’ll haven’t heard yet, the Nicaragua government canceled our plane tickets due to political unrest in their country. Our leadership back in Georgia re-routed us into Panama which was suppose to be our last country in month 11. No one really knew where we were suppose to go when we got here, so B squad holed up at a little hostel in Panama City for 4 days until new hosts could be contacted and each team had a place to go. It’s a slight disappointment not to be able to go to Nicaragua but already five days into this new plan, it is so obvious that this is where the Lord wanted us to be the whole time.
We are working with YWAM (Youth With A Mission) in Potrerillos Arriba, Panama. Our host picked us up in Panama City and we headed for the deep wilderness of the mountains to a small Indian village called Tugri. We stayed up there for four days with a discipleship training class for people from a variety of different Indian tribes.
The Ngobe people are the ones that live in Tugri and are an indigenous tribe to Panama. They were, until recently, living completely off grid. Over the past year the government has paved a road to them as well as brought in electricity. There was a need for better living conditions as children were constantly sick or dying from living in huts with dirt floors. When it rains nine months out of the year, the homes do not stay dry and with dirt floors this can be an issue.
YWAM saw this need and started building homes with concrete floors for the widows, elderly, or families with young children. Soon after, the government followed suit and more people are being offered better living situations. There are negative as well as positive influences coming in from the outside, but they are proud people and value tradition and their way of life and hold strong to it. A positive is that the more they are reached out to the more they hear about Jesus and learn that there can be a light in their darkness.
