Ten months ago I was sitting in an airport in New York not having any idea what kind of crazy journey I was about to embark on. I didn’t have pre-travel jitters, or really any kind of nervous feelings. I was so extremely calm about what I was doing, I decided to write a blog about how I got to that point. It was called “Faith Over Fear.” I wrote about how I had so much faith that what I was doing was the right thing, it over rode any fear I might have had otherwise. That faith gave me an added boost of confidence in the moment and I made a goal for the next 11 months to face any fears that came along.
Honestly, I considered myself a fairly brave person and even struggled coming up with things that genuinely scared me. Little did I know that once I became aware of doing things that made me uncomfortable or scared me, my list became pretty long.
Things I didn’t realize scared me, became clear when I decided I had to say yes. Some things are scarier than others. Scorpions, for example. On the race I’ve killed one and ate one. (Two separate occasions). I still don’t like them, but I don’t freak out when I see one. Heights, on the other hand, never get easier even when I force myself to go out and greet it with a smile. Scorpions and heights are completely different, but the concept is the same. Sometimes I can jump off a 30-foot cliff in Malawi, literally shake through the whole experience and then do it two more times, and sometimes I can be in a freefall harness standing at the edge of Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe, and fail at taking the leap. No matter the height, or how often I do it, the anxiety is always the same.
Being scared of heights use to bother me more than the fear itself. I guess I didn’t want people to know certain things had the potential to make me pee my pants, so I would generally say no to anything that involved being up high or free falling. Obviously showing a weakness is only for sissies. If I had no other option to not look like a “girl,” I would grin and bear it on the outside but inside I would be completely dying. I think my closest friends are the only ones that actually know how scared I am simply because I let them see the tears in my eyes when I face it.
I have a little story about this fear, simply because I’m proud of myself and want to tell it.
One adventure weekend I went zip lining in Monte Verde, Costa Rica. Though I got a little nervous when I was flying through a big valley all by myself, I never thought I was going to die. It was an awesome experience with extraordinary views. At the end of the zip lining tour our guides told us the only way off the last platform was to free fall or repel down. I watched first as all my teammates jumped or were jokingly pushed off, thinking it would be easier to chicken out once they were all down, and I could repel instead. I have no idea how high up it was but that doesn’t really matter, I was not going to willingly fall off backwards. Falling is almost scarier than being up high. Alas, before I knew it, I was stepping into a halter with a bungee cord attached to it. I nervously looked down at my destination, a tiny blue mat laying on the ground below, and my teammates who were the size of little Lego men. They were shouting at me words of encouragement, in my head I was thinking it was their fault I was in this position. My whole body was shaking and I felt my eyes well up with tears. I looked at my guide and said, “If you want me off this platform you’re going to have to push me because I can’t do this on my own.” He gave me a smile and said “No. I believe in you. I am going to count to three and you are going to do it on your own. Ready? 1. 2. 3!” And in that moment I was falling through the air and within seconds that felt like eternity caught by the cord and came to a gentle stop on the blue mat. I lay there for a few seconds, partly trying to keep the tears from coming out of my eyes, partly because my legs were to wobbly to stand, but mostly because I couldn’t believe I had jumped by myself. I’m sure this guy deals with people like me every day, but he knew I could do it alone and somehow because of that, I did.
I have accepted that I may always be afraid of heights but as with anything, I don’t want fear to get in the way of how proud I am of myself when I bust through it. I don’t want that fear to rule my life and make me miss out on memories I can’t make otherwise.
I have so many other fears. Fear of failure, rejection, loneliness, dying. You name it, if its uncomfortable it probably scares me a little. I use to let fear stop me from doing things I really wanted to do. I wont get in this career field because I might not be smart enough and it wont work out - Failure. If this person knows who I really am, they wont want to be around me - Rejection.
The devil channels our fears into lies and uses them against us. He wants us to miss out on the good things the Lord has for us! It is SO easy for him to do this because as humans we tend to believe the lies. Don’t let these fears/lies get in the way of what God has in store for you. Apply for that job that seems out of your league! Pursue that friendship because you love people! Eat that food even if it looks a little funny! Skydive! Step out of your comfort zone a little. Whats the worst that can happen? If you die, at least you wont remember it :). Chances are, it wont be as terrifying as your brain decided it would be. You never know, life might be good now, but what if one little step makes it that much better. Don’t let satan stand in the way of that.
The most frequent command in the Bible is “Fear not”. Its not saying there is nothing scary in the world, because life itself is kinda scary, and fear is the bodies way of warning us of danger. But every time it says to “not have fear”, “fear not”, or “do not fear”, etc.. it follows with a promise from God about how He will deliver, protect, or some other type of action he is taking or will take. Its important to remember that His promises are true and He is faithful. I could write a whole new blog on that but this one is already out of hand.
For now, I challenge you to be aware of your fears and face them as often as you can. Chose to face a fear a day and watch how that action can change your life.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.
2 Timothy 1:7
